...to grow up.

I have always dearly loved the story of Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. It is not just because of the magical fantasy it stirs within the reader, but because deep down inside each of us is a desire to be free...to live with the reckless abandonment of an innocent child. Granted Peter is in every way also human, guilty of the folly of both pride and selfishness, but never the less he's passionate appeal to maintain his childhood touches our hearts. Like Wendy we are entranced, but like Wendy we know the growing dread of a dark destiny pulling at our heels...the adventure of childhood must end. Even if Peter can go on living it, we feel we cannot follow...Neverland is within us all in a small way, it is in our longings, in our soul, brushing our hearts with a knowledge that this world is not our home. But we also feel a hard cold truth that whispers that perhaps these longings are all in vain, and even when we visit Neverland, we soon forget, believing it is only a dream. And those fantastic dreams slip away into meaningless nothing. We must grow up...

I find the pressures of growing up awfully painful. I understand Peter's aversion to it. Grownups, despite the wonders of their world, lose their awe so quickly. Isn't there some way to always remain a child, yet grow in the wisdom of an adult...or is the wisdom of a child real wisdom?

I never want to lose my awe...I want to see the joy in the tiniest things in life, and giggle in pleasure...I want to feel like every day is a new discovery.

The kingdom of heaven is indeed very much a Neverland. There is both beauty and fear in it...a great, terribly enemy is always out to get us. A deadly "hook" is jealous of our childlike ways, of our noble deeds...of our wonder. He wants to destroy us with every obsession in his being. To beat this "hook" we must remain childlike, trusting, innocent...we must be unyielding in what we stand for. Children are quite set in their ways, everyone knows this...they believe so easily, but once they believe its very hard to change their minds. To truly grow up, I feel, is to stay a child...to grow up is tragically over-rated. God said only those with the faith of child can enter the kingdom of heaven. (now I know there is a difference between childlikeness and childishness, but hold to the theme of what I say...I'm not saying Peter Pan is perfect in its analogy, quite the contrary, but his story has always inspired me)

Simple and and ordinary is the kingdom of heaven...yet also magical and surreal. All these walk hand in hand.

I am twenty years old last month, yet I believe all my life I've tried to be something I am not, a grownup. Ironically God is making me a child again, restoring the wonder of simple joy...of love...of beauty. I saw it all before, but could not partake in it...now I'm truly growing up, growing up into a child...a child of the king, a child of God...