Thoreau...

I'm not at all certain Thoreau has any answers to life or even is on path to truth in any of his writings. However since I spent two weeks reading on him in English class I feel he derserves some recognition. This is my favorite quote of all time and I was surprised when I found out he was it's author.

" I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essentials factsof life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life..."

Only the Beginning of the Beginning...

What is this Thing that draws people together in worship? What causes a small group of six to ten young people to sit for hours, late into the night singing songs and praying to a Being most would say we cannot see or hear? What is this mystery? Why do we find such beauty here? Who is this God who places such aching longings in our souls? I cannot give emotion it's honor. This is a reality of who we are at the core of our beings. Yet mind, will ...and emotions central to who we are.

In absolute grace the Lord asks us to surrender them all to His ways. How delightful this is. Are we fools to think such a thing? Never.

Sit with Jesus, in a place surrounded by people whose one desire is Jesus, and very quickly your heart will explode with peace, revelation and awareness of Jesus' voice. It is Jesus in your brothers and sisters that beckons you forward, into His presence, deeper into a steadfast spirit of praise. How does this happen? How did my heart reach this place? I feel full and complete beyond measure. Can I sit here forever? Can these faces and voices remain for eternity. Yet, this is not even scratching the surface of these longings.

Even as I love the atomsphere of fellowship, of joining in love towards Jesus and of continually pouring out sacrifices of praise I feel a urgent rush of more desire flooding my spirit. Heaven is like this. I have no doubt of it, but this is only the beginning of the beginning.

Jesus, create a heart of deeper reality. I never want to be satisfied, but always fulfilled. Hold my heart and whisper to me Your truth. Your truth of what is good and holy. Nothing else will I seek.

I wiil never leave you

I was running down the ancient road my breath beginning to grow thin. The thick darkness of the night was closing in around me like a suffocating blanket. Silent, towering shadows of an old, deeply rooted forest overshadowed starless sky above and around the narrow road.
Fear was radiating through my body in waves of paralyzing strength. My feet ran like rods of steel, slow and heavily. Surely I had nothing to hope for except the dawn. Thoughts of dawn however were infected with disbelief and a disappointment of illusionment.
A cold wind wrapped it's icy fingers around my thinly clothed body. Both feet were bruised from tripping over rocks, roots and potholes scattered across this forgotten road.
I wanted to stop but the fear of stopping overcame my fear of the forest. Where had the day gone? Why was night so long? What would this road lead to?
I felt forsaken.
Tears began streaming down my face. I was alone and would only be able to make it by whether or not I kept my feet moving. The thought of doing this forever made me want to die.
Then, everything changed. Strong arms picked me up with gentle tenderness. A sweet, beautiful voice spoke in my ear.
" I will never leave you."

My song of songs...

I sank to my knees in the center of the garden, exhausted and weak from my anguish and mourning. The devastation of the battle, the wounds, the terror, the pain clung to my thin and torn body dust on a wet skin. I was trembling with the intensity of such war and violence upon my soul.
A mangled and bloodied sword fell from my numb fingers as I sank with my head into the grass.

Perfume of the sweetest of aroma erupted through my senses. I smelled it to its fullest, yet could not enjoy or melt into its bliss. My body was so full of hurt and marred with bruises, both physically and within my spirit, I felt as far removed from beauty as a being could be.

I fell to bitter weeping, longing for comfort and completeness, yet feeling as though it was an impossibility that I could never have. Anything that was good would not be for me, not this war-ravaged warrior, who knew only the ache and tension of battle.

But then a voice suddenly whispered in my ear; whispered a name. It was a name I had never heard before, yet my ears opened up immediately in response. The name was my own. My eyes opened as I sucked in a breath from my tears.

Strong, gentle hands cradled my face and through the pain and blur of tears I saw the most beautiful face. It was the face of the man who had declared his love on the battlefield. His very voice had captured my heart. He had followed me into the garden...or had he led me here?

As my eyes locked into his, a calm washed over me. He wiped away the tears with rough calloused thumbs, and kissed my forehead.

" I will follow you to the ends of the earth to show you my love."

I wept softly again, dropping my head, feeling disbelief. How could he love this bleeding, violent and angry young woman. I was not the gentle, loving and kind princess that he deserved.

"Look me in the eyes, beloved," he lifted my chin. I did, once again overwhelmed by his beauty. Physical appearance had nothing to do with it, though he was a powerfully built fighter, whose golden-brown head shone with glory. His face was perfect and flawless.

No, the beauty came from his blue eyes. What I saw there was more love than could be contained within anything or anyone. I was afraid if I stared too long, the very intensity of it would kill me.

Slowly, his hand wrapped around mine and his eyes refused to release mine," This is how I see you," he said in a firm and powerful voice.

The force hit me with a solid gasp. I saw myself in his eyes, mirrored there, full of brilliant light. The scene shone with clear, astounding reality. I barely recognized the girl before me.

I was clothed in the most radiantly white dress. I was dancing in a field overflowing with red roses; roses without thorns. I was barefoot, skin glowing without wounds, blood or even scars. My hair, long, golden, abundant and free.

There was no weariness; pain, fear or sense of trying to be something I couldn't be. I was simply me, yet not me, completely His.

"I want you, you delight me more than a thousand brides," he kissed me gently on the lips. Softly, with his gentle touch, it loosened the tense, hard, toughness of my walls, those thick impenetrable, ugly walls I had placed around me for protection. Through my pain I could no longer keep them there, under the intensity of the longing in his eyes.

My hand slowly reached up to touch his face. This small gesture seemed to ignite an explosion within my lover's being. He jumped to his feet letting out a triumphant shout of joy. I sank back on my heels, staring at him breathlessly.

He threw back both arms wide, smiling with a power that shot like an electrical current through my body. Then he started laughing and threw himself into an insane, though beautiful dance around me.

I glanced down at my arms as warmth followed the electricity. I gasped, as my wounds and pain vanished. His laughter floated like music around me. His voice shattered every little remaining vestiges of pain and hardness within me.

"I love the way you move, every little glance and touch quickens my heart to reckless desire. Every word you speak I listen to with eager expectation. Every pain and hurt I feel as my own. I love you without expectation or rules, only abandonment to see you smile when I kiss your lips and heal your wounds."

I slowly stood, as his words carried into a song, fading from laughter into a melody more intoxicatingly attractive and full of longing than I had ever heard before.

I stopped rising when his dancing stilled and thought he continued to sing, his eyes turned to me and one hand stretched out towards me. I hesitated, listening to His voice, but afraid that if I truly ran to him it would all be a dream.

The garden's atmosphere suddenly quieted completely, except for his voice.

"I have been with you since the day you first were awakened to love. Only I can satisfy...come"

I threw back my head suddenly laughing as I realized it was all so real, just by His voice, it became life. I ran as fast as I could into his arms. I saw him smiling broadly as his arms reached up, swinging me into the air and then into his embrace. With infinite tenderness he kissed me until I could not breath. He cradled my head into his chest, strong arms holding me with tenacious comfort.

"You belong here, forever," he whispered.

I didn't know how he did it, but he had...and I cried once more for sheer joy, receiving a love I could not understand, but knew I was created for and could never live with out.