A Journal: August 2011

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hold on.

A thousand little pictures, they flash, in between blinking lights, faded memories of sorrows and joys. It's like a heartbeat, pulsing under the flesh of a human body. Slow and steady. The rhythm of another world, the unseen life source behind the veil.It grips you and then releases. One minute your free and the next your are enslaved. The force of the wave you leave behind in your wake can cause the driest tree to bloom and yet leave a trail of causalities with the deepest wounds.

You would die if asked, for a taste, a glimpse, a simple kiss of the one you ached to know. And yet to know is surrounded with heartache, with loss and with thwarted desire. You bend to not break and break to be healed. It's not easy, when a gun is pointed at your head and the trigger decides your next breath, your next embrace and your next life.

You fingers grasp and yearn and the pictures keep dancing, reminding you of what you do not have and yet what you long for. You would scream if you had enough air to breathe and you would cry if indeed your tears would be enough.

But none of it is...so you keep searching.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

...Lucy

We adopted a kitten this summer. Since I've been in college, these have been the only three years I've not had a pet. I've been begging my husband, since before we were even married to get a cat. On August 1, 2011 we did it.

Her name is Lucy.

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"... for love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labor and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all you efforts you are getting further away from your goal instead of nearer it – at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding you." (Fyodor Dostoyevesky)

" Today is not the time for the people of God to live for comfort. It’s not the time to look for a hiding place or an escape route. The only hiding place is in Jesus; the only “escape” is into the arms of God, seeking His face and resolved to do His will. There is no other safe place. Many Christian in America today simply seek to avoid pain or inconvenience at all costs. Regardless of what the future holds, no matter who is right or wrong concerning the details of Christ’s return, one thing is clear: In the days ahead it is going to be harder to live for God than to die for Him. True martyrdom comes in living each day in faithful obedience to the Lord no matter what, saying no to sin and compromise and yes to God and holiness. This is not the time for silence. The hour has come for God’s people to take a stand, to sacrifice themselves, like Esther, in fasting and prayer for the deliverance of a nation. Who knows but that God may turn the tide of history in America." ~ Elijah Revolution (lou engle)~

"And You sit at the table with wounded and the poor. You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore. And when You could just be silenced and leave us here to die. Still You sent your son for us. You are on our side." (Bethany Dillon)

"Suffering is an oxymoron. There is unfathomable peace and satisfaction in suffering for Christ. It is as though you have searched endlessly for your purpose in life, and now found it in the most unexpected place: in the death of your flesh. It is certainly a moment worthy of laughter and dance. And in the end it is not suffering at all. The apostle Paul recommended that we find joy in it. Was he mad?” (Ted Dekker)

"The highest good is “that which will leave us nothing further to seek in order to be happy, if only we make all our actions refer to it, and seek it not for the sake of something else, but for its own sake." (St. Augustine)

"A healed heart is more spectacular than a straightened hand.” (Blessed Child)

"A life of integrity is born of fidelity to the dream." (Brennan Manning)

"A beggar's kingdom is better than a proud man's delusion." (Donald Miller)

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you are fast asleep." (Cinderella)

"The secrets of heaven are not hidden from you, they are hidden for you." (Bill Johnson)

God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us." (Donald Miller)

"All around you people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe." (Irresistible Revolution)

"If we work upon marble, it will perish; if we work upon brass, time will efface it; if we rear temples, they will crumble into dust; but if we work upon immortal minds, if we imbue them with principles, with the just fear of God and love of our fellow men, we engrave on those tablets something which will brighten to all eternity."
-Daniel Webster-