...a love song.

Will You?

Will You stay forever?
Will you be my lover?
Will You walk next to me?
Gently like a brother.
Will Your gaze be at me?
Will you love no other?
Will You see yourself in me?
Let me be your father.

For you are My child
For you are My bride
For you are My child
you are My bride

Will You say I'm beautiful?
Will you be my daughter?
Will You always hold me?
Softly like a mother.
Will You dance this song with me?
Will you wait forever?
Will You melt my heart in love?
Let Me be your warrior.

For you are My child.
For you are My bride.
For you are My child.
you are My bride.

Say I'm lovely...
...you are worthy.
Say I'm perfect...
...you are holy.
Say You want me...
...I have made you.

Will You say I'm lovely?
I will say your worthy.

Written by Natasha Fowler, March 2008.

...I seek the One my soul loves.

I've always loved the Song of Songs, but this week I began reading differently and with more purpose than I ever had before. I sought to see it directly as God speaking to me, and me to Him. Before I saw it only as the bride of Christ speaking to Jesus, the groom, but I have now put myself in that place as the "bride"...the shepherd girl...
...words cannot describe where God is taking me now. I've been reading chapters 1-3 at the moment, over and over again.

Me to God: Your oils are a pleasing fragrance, Your name is like purified oil; therefore draw me after you and let us run together!

God to me: How beautiful you are my darling. how beautiful your are! Your eyes are like doves.

Me to God: Like an apple among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I take great delight and sit down....and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

God to Me: O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your form is lovely.

Me to God: On my bed night after night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him but did not find him. I must arise now and god about the city; in the streets and in the squares I must seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him but did not find him.

...why? I love this ending verse."I sought him but did not find him." Why does God hide himself? He hides himself so that I will seek him, because if he was always present, always giving attention to my need I would take his love for granted. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
He draws away, so I will draw towards him, which is the greatest of delights, both in my "seeking" and in his "being sought after." I want this go down into my deepest pores, into my gut, until I weep with undying devotion and desperation for his presence.

"....when I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go."

Freedom!!!!

Two things God has me focused on: Joan or Arc & Nehemiah

I love of Joan of Arc, she inspires me. What would this modern world do if someone of her character and vision appeared demanding justice? She was only a peasant, unlearned, and even timid, how did she become general? I know the story, but still it's a bit mystifying.

We could use some more Joan of Arcs.

What is it like to rarely question whether or not God is speaking to you? Joan didn't, she always knew beforehand what would happen, trusted completely in God, and walked calmly through the troubles around...even to her death. Talk about having faith in God's will!
This has me searching my own heart right now, wishing I had such bold courage, and causing great turmoil in my sleep. Literally for two nights after I watched some clips from the 1999 Joan of Arc film, I could not sleep. Something deep was stirred in my spirit. It weirded me out at first. I was both miserable and happy all at once.

We need some more Joan of Arcs.

I believe God is stirring it up, as we enter into these days of spiritual upheaval and battle. He wants Joan of Arcs, young people, to step out and be generals. Someone has got to do, 'cause without it our world hurtling at a rapid pace toward complete destruction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Along with all this, I have also been reading feverishly through the book of Nehemiah. I'm finding how very important it is to confess the sins of our fathers, and to be prepared for battle, even as we build. I will perhaps go deeper into this, because I know I will be stuck in this book for a while, but for now I just wanted to post the scriptures that are jumping out on the page at me. In fact I've written them out and stapled them to the walls of my bedroom.

"Let Your ear now, be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer of Your servant, which I am praying for You now, day and night on behalf of the sons of Israel, Your servants, confessing the sing of the sons of Israel which we have sinned against You; I and my father's house have sinned.
"We have acted very corruptly against You and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses.
Remember the world which You commanded Your servant Moses saying," If you are unfaithful I will scatter you among the peoples but if you return to Me and keep My commandments and do them though those of you who have been scattered were in the most remote part of the heavens, I will gather them from there and will bring them to the place where I have chosen to cause My name to dwell.
They are Your servants and Your people whom You redeemed by Your great power and by Your strong hand. O Lord, I beseech You, may Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and the prayers of Your servants who delight to revere Your name..."
Nehemiah 1:6-11

And I found this second verse very interesting:

"From that day on, half of my servants carried on the work while half of them held spears, the shields, the bows and the breastplates; and the captains were behind the whole house of Judah. Those who were rebuilding the wall and those who carried burdens took their load with one hand doing the work and the other holding a weapon."
Nehemiah 4:16-17

Take my breath away...

It's all in the way

That You look at me

It's all in the way

That You look at me

It's all in the way

That You look at me

It takes my breath away

It takes my breath away

It takes my breath away

Jesus, Savior, Lover of all

Hold me, gently

Whisper to my heart

It's all in the way

That You smile at me

It's all in the way

That You smile at me

It's all in the way

That You smile at me

It takes my breath away

It takes my breath away

It takes my breath away

Jesus, Messiah, King to all

Touch me, softly

Dance through my heart

It takes my breath away

It takes my breath away

It takes my breath away

Dance with me tonight, hold me in Your arms. ♥

A window.

It's nearly midnight. A blissful rain is pouring down outside my bedroom window. The dark peacefulness of night surrounds the house. I don't think I've ever been as at peace and serene as I am at this moment. You see all my life I feel like I've been hitting my head against closed doors...well, for the most part that is. I know a lot times, it just me keeping the door shut myself, or on the other hand not allowing it to open at all. Today though something shifted in my soul. It was so easy, so normal, so unnoticeable I could have missed it...and I really I must have for I don't know when or how it happened, it just has. All day long I've felt it. And no, it is not just the beautiful spring weather or the good book I'm reading. Ever since the new year I've felt the change coming. I'm slipping away into something new. And yet like I said before, it's so gradual...without realizing it I'm suddenly different, and it's a greater different, than the different I've been before.

A window has opened...

The other night I had a dream. The first dream I've had in months that I actually remember...and unfortunately all I remember is the end of my dream. But that I'm even remembering my dreams is fantastic a phenomenon in itself.
I don't know why God took away my ability to remember dreams. It is just a season I know. Perhaps the dreams He wanted to give me I wasn't ready to cope with a few months ago. I think He wanted me to believe without seeing for a while. Still suddenly, I feel the dreams are returning...

A window has opened...

I suddenly want to write, something I have not been able to do in months either. It was like something stood in my way every time I tried. Holding me back, blocking my inspiration, smothering my words, dousing my passion. Tonight, I feel story burning on my fingertips, and if it were not already midnight, if I were not tired and if tomorrow was not a work day, I would be writing as we speak. But my eyelids are heavy, and I want to be silent and listen to the rain.

A window has opened...

Hunger is boring a hole in my heart. Hunger for the Word, for God's people, for prayer, for diligence, and most of all, for delight in the Lord's presence. It is eating its way through my soul, separating, dividing and restoring. Before, I yearned and prayed for such hunger, but it only came out as trite obedience. At times I've wanted to give up, yet how I've clung to faithfulness.
I feel so different. It is not visible, I'm not emotional nor excited tonight. It's just another day, another sunday, another night...but something is different.

And it's not over, not even close...some kind of new journey is beginning.

Finding rest.

My spirit has been stirred this week. I know a lot is being stirred and fired up in the Spirit anyway right now and that gets me excited. A fire swept across the country north of my town a couple nights ago. It was so windy, the firemen could not get it out until nearly midnight, and even then it smoldered way into the next day. I find this strangely prophetic. Fires are being let loose everywhere in the supernatural right now. A shift has begun, the wind is blowing hard, letting loose a new torrent of fire. But despite all this intensity, I finding a strange sense of rest and peace at the moment. It's like the more intense it gets, the more peaceful I feel. I can see hardly two months ahead of me in the future right now; a lot is up in the air. (as it has always been) But the air around me is changing even. I'm not anxious or worried. I don't even act the same. I am simply full of wonder at what God is doing in my life and the lives of others. That brings me the sweetest assurance. In the midst of the fire, I'm finding a beautiful God...and our love story is beginning to make my head swim.

Everywhere I've turned lately, His love is being poured out to me. First through a book I read a couple weeks ago, through His word, through words of other people...and strangely enough I watched a movie last night that had a line in it that hit me full force in the face. It is from City of Angels: "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One. "

That is why I'm breathing right now...it's incredible, God refuses to spend eternity without His bride. I'm overwhelmed. I just rest...in sleeping, in waking, in doing....I just rest in this powerful love.

How long, O Lord?

"How long, O Lord?
Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
and my enemy will say, " I have overcome him,"
and my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because He has dealt bountifully with me."

~ Psalm 13 ~