Maybe it's true...

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know this could be something
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two, is better than one

I remember every look upon your face,
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everythings okay
And finally now, we're leaving

And maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two, is better than one

Yeah, yeah

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey

Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking

Oooh I can't live without you
'Cause baby two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And I've figured out with all that's said and done
Two, is better than one

Two is better than one

Copyright@boyslikegirls/taylorswift

4 months...

...my 22 birthday, Dec 11, 2009!

...camping at Kristen's.

...visiting Phil's family!

U2 Concert!

Nick and Kendra's wedding!

...state fair!

I am here now.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her. Then I will give her her vineyards from there, and the valley of Achor as a door of hope. And she will sing there as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt. It will come about in that day,' delcares the Lord,' that you will call Me Ishi and will no longer call Me Baali. For I will removed the names of the Baals from her mouth, so that they will be mentioned by their names no more. In that day I will also make a covenant for them, with the beasts of the field, the birds of the sky and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword and war from the land, and will make them lie down in safety. I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion, and I will betroth you to Me in faithfullness. Then you will know the Lord. It will come about in that day that I will respond,' delcares the Lord,' I will respond to the earth, and the earth will respond to the grain, to the new wine and to the oil, and they will respond to Jezreel. I will sow her for Myself in the land. I will also have compassion on her who had not obtain compassion. And I will say to those who were not My people, you are My people! And they will say 'You are my God!" ~ Hosea 2 ~

I approached the tent with heart full of numb desire. I had nothing to offer, nothing to give him. I did not want him. It had been weeks since I had been with him alone. In my mind I understood, that this, even this, even my apathy towards him, my coldness, would not diminish his desire for me. In my heart I felt a thousand miles away from this truth. I could not love him. Yet he loved me with an unbreakable steadfastness.

I stopped two feet from the tent. The night shadows flickered from the torches burning around this dwelling place. I smelled the sweet aroma of his presence drifting from inside. It did not entice me like it once had. It did not draw me to him. I wanted to run. I wanted to run back to garden he made for me. I wanted to run back to his gifts and his treasures and the wealth of his kingdom that he lavished with great generosity over me.

I loved that garden. It was satisfying. I understood, in my mind, this was because it all was from him. It is was meant to draw me to him. In my heart however, I only wanted to stay in the garden. It was just too full of pleasure to leave.

Yet, inside I was still empty. I did not feel empty. However, I knew I was, because I had not see him.

That was only reason my feet had taken me here. It was a choice, not a feeling. My trembling hand reached out to pull back the tent curtain. It was time to be with him again. It was time to let him fill me with satisfaction. I did not want it, but my will was dragging my reluctant feet forward.

I slipped inside, taking a deep breath. My head was screaming a thousands fears, my heart continued to beat evenly, numbly, without feeling. I saw him before he saw me, standing near his couch holding a book open in his strong hands. The candlelight gleamed off of his golden hair. I swallowed, suddenly awkward and frightened. I should turn and leave, now, before he saw me.

It was too late, he turned, fixing those burning blue eyes on my face. The book slipped from his hands as a smile brushed his lips. Then I was in his arms.

" I knew you would come," he whispered, kissing me softly. I weakly responded, unable to resist him, but still not wanting him like he wanted me.

" I'm sorry," I whispered back, trembling arms slowly entwining around his strong body.

He chuckled against my neck, and then pulled back to gaze into my face. I could see myself in

his eyes, and hated the relfection. I was not a the bride he deserved, or needed, or should want. I did not love him.

" Don't look at me like that, my love," he said against my lips," I don't care how long it has been, or how you feel or what you've done. I will never stop loving you."

I did the unthinkable and angrily shoved him away. Hurt clouded every radiant aspect of his beautiful face.

"Darling..."

My hand covered his lips and my words fell out of my mouth like a rushing torrent," Why did you give me everything? Why is everything so pleasant without you? Why can I not love you now? Why do I not want you? Tell me...you know everything, nothing is hidden from your eyes. Why give me the very things that turn my heart away from you? Was it not better when I had nothing? Was it not better in the desert when it was only you and me? Where have all my desires..."

I broke into bitter weeping unable to continue, and dropped my eyes from his. I immediately felt his hands cradling my face.

"Beloved, I don't want your love just in the desert. I want it at all times. I want it when you feel it and need it and when you don't. I want it when you have nothing and when you have everything. There are deeper places we have yet to go. Everything I have given you is to take you to those places. Open your eyes...look at me."

I slowly and stubbornly did. His eyes burned like fire into my soul.

"Listen to my words..." he kissed my lips,"...every time you let the music you hear calm your spirit and stir your heart, it's because it's drawing you to my peace and passion. Everytime your imagination and courage is inspired by a story you hear or see, it is because I am showing you pieces of my heart. Every time your friends make your heart glad and free, it is because I am showing you the freedom of my presence."

I sucked in a breath, feeling a tightening my chest for the first time since walking in the tent. He had not mentioned the deepest part yet...

I waited.

He picked me up softly and carried me to his couch. I closed my eyes against his chest. I could feel the pressure, the expectation, the waiting....

He sat us both down, nestling me in his lap.

"Beloved..." his lips brushed my cheek, arms tightened around me with possessive strength.

"Every time he holds you, kisses you and speaks love to you, it is all coming from me. I want you to know how you've captured my heart. When you are heart pounds with desire for him, it is because it is desiring me. When you long for him surround you with safety, it is because you are longing for my safety. When you heart is screaming for his kisses and his touches, it is because you want my touch. When you dream of him at night holding you forever, it is because you want me to hold you forever."

I broke into sobs as he ended these words. They were all true.

"He is becoming everything to me. He is satisfying," I choked out.

"That is because I am everything," he whispered," I am satisfying."

I buried my face into his neck and my heart exploded with a thousand emotions. I was in my king's arms again. He was holding me. Wanting me.

"What do I do," I whispered against his lips.

"Enjoy me, come to me, let me show you my heart in this," the thick aroma of his presence and smell, consumed the room. He was drawing my heart again.

"I'm here now," I said weakly.

"And so I will love you..." his lips overwhelmed mine.

Welcome to Our World

This is a beautiful song...

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home
Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence

Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born
So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

(Chris Rice)

He spoke kindly to Her...

This is something I started writing the beginning of this semester. The woman in the story is the Church, the man is Jesus. The unborn baby represents the generations to come. Read it from that viewpoint...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The young woman stared at him angrily, with blue eyes that could have scorched a cornfield. He was taken back by her hostility, distrust yes, but not this.

He took a step farther back, kneeling on one knee, as she curled into a tighter protective ball around her swollen belly.

"I promise I won't hurt you, or the baby," he told her softly.

She began crying again, obviously unable to believe his kindness or so overcome by it she couldn't speak. He waited patiently, until her eyes turned towards his again. They were still hostile, but not quite has distrustful as before.

"What happened?" he asked, continuing to be patient.

She slowly sat up, painfully, as if every bone in her body was aching. Bruises covered her cheekbones, and a huge cut marred the right side of her neck. With great effort she began to speak.

" I have no mother, I have no father. The child I bear is not even my husband's. I have no husband. I have no home. I have nothing to call my own. Everything I have has been given to me or taken away by others. Why do you even care to ask me? Can you not see what I am?"

The young man's heart was torn by the despair and absolute finality he felt in her voice. What was even worse was the belief he heard in her words.

Suddenly she doubled over, throwing up all over the ground between them. His first reaction would have been one of disgust, but immediately his vision blurred in a cloud of color. Handwritten words the color of blood on an ancient pages burst before his eyes.

He blinked, trying to see, but they would not leave until he read them.

You will love me.

You will love what I love. Hate what I hate. Speak what I speak. Sing what I sing.

You will love my bride.

As soon as he finished reading the last line, the words and colors vanished and he was staring at the young woman once more.

The young man felt his heart melt. He wanted to bury his head in the dust and beg this woman's forgiveness for all the injustice that had been done to her, for all the lies, bitterness and hatred that had been brought against her with the fierceness of a thousand vengeful dragons. If he could bleed, cry and scream for her, he would.

Instead he bent closer once more," I know you have no reason to trust me, but what if I was your only hope? I cannot be worse than what you have known. What if I have the answer? Can you be willing to risk that?"

She blinked, staring wide-eyed without expression, yet the mistrust had faded from her gaze.

"It may take a while, I know," he continued," but I must tell you that this is not who you are."

"Who are you to tell me such a thing?" she told him, voice sharp and cynical," You don't know me."

Now it was his turn to blink," I know more about you than you may think."

She did not seem to like this answer.

He continued talking ignoring her conflicting attitude.

"This baby your carrying for example. She is not a curse, but a blessing. Do not give birth with heart that only feels derision and frustration at her conception. She is life. In that you must find hope and destiny."

The woman stared at him like he had absolutely lost his mind.

"How do you know it's a girl?"

He shrugged, and held out his hand," Are you going to stand up or not?"

She very slowly reached and slipped her hand into his. He pulled her up, steadying her unstable legs and then slowly turning her towards the river.

"I think you need to drink from the water, before we go anywhere."

She began trembling, and turned her face, against him as if the river had eyes that haunted her.

"What's wrong?" he lifted her face, to see her eyes.

"I don't want to go there."

"Why not?"

"The more I drink, the more thirsty I get. I hate being thirsty."

He stared at her, bewildered.

"With that kind of attitude, you will always be thirsty. You must drink if you will ever find satisfaction."

She glared at him," You don't think I've tried. It's hopeless."

He let go of her hand," How far did you go?"

She blinked," What do you mean?"

He repeated the question.

She shook her head, beginning to cry," It hurt too much."

He gently pushed her ahead of him," I'll go with you. We'll drink together."

She didn't want to go. But with him pushing her, giving her no choice, the young woman slowly walked forward.

They reached the water's edge. She stared down at it like the water's held a nest of poisonous snakes.

He took her hand and knelt first, drawing her after him. He cupped on hand into the cool wetness and brought it to his lips.

"You try," he released her hand, letting it be her choice.

If a shark had just jumped out of the water at her, she could not have looked more frightened. Very slowly she stretched out shaky fingers towards the water. Her gaze shot to him, seeking courage.

" You can do it," he encouraged.

Trembling, she plunged her hand into the water and brought it dripping to her sunburned lips. She swallowed it with a groan, and dropped her hand into the water for more.

"Go as slow as you need to," he told her.

She only leaned closer to the water in response. In fact she began to drink greedily. He reached a hand out to steady her from falling into the river.

Then suddenly she sat back, face wet, glistening, but suddenly beautiful, calm and peaceful. Cuts and bruises had disappeared.

"Where does the water come from?" she asked in a whisper.

He chuckled, rocking back on his heels beside her.

"Do you want to find out?"

She nodded, he stood, giving her his hand. She awkwardly held her belly and rose, leaning against him.

"Then follow me..."

...if I couldn't have you, i'd rather be alone

i think that possibly, maybe im falling for you
yes theres a chance that ive fallen quite hard for you.
ive seen the paths that your eyes wander down
i want to come to

i think that possibly, maybe im falling for you

no one understands me quite like you do
through all of the shadowy corners of me

i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew
i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew

i think that possibly, maybe im falling for you
yes theres a chance that ive fallen quite hard on for you.
ive seen the waters that make your eyes shine
now im shining too

because oh because
ive fallen quite hard over over you

if i didnt know you, id rather not know
if i couldnt have you, i'd rather be alone

i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew
i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while, i never knew

all of the while , all of the while

I remembered he loved me...

It was the way the enemy moved. The way they walked. Talked. Looked. Breathed. Smelled. Smiled.

It was the way the enemy pulled you in, like a seductive woman, teasing you with a temptation only the very strong could resist.
It was the way the enemy pulled the trigger, destroying a soul, that only deserved death, but had been chosen for life.

I watched them die, every day on the battlefield. I watched them die together. I watched them die alone. It was always the same. The same lies they believed. The same stories they told, over and over again. The same defenselessly way they surrendered. Every time nothing changed.

Why? How could this weak enemy have such victory, over people who knew the truth? What possessed some one to embrace darkness over light? Where was the love that had been written on their hearts at birth? Why would they forsake it all, and except so much less?

I cringed every time I saw them go to the front lines. I knew only half would return. A broken and hopeless half. Despair and anguish would weaken them for days, until resolve would grip their hearts, and they would run to the front lines once more. Still fewer would return whole.

It was hard not to scream at them for their blindness. It was painful to remain silent. To remain faceless and nameless among a company of people who should know their own names...the names their king had named them long ago

But I have been where they have been. I know nothing I say will save them.

Only one Voice saves them.

I heard that Voice, it was the only thing that pulled from the enemy's dark and lovely arms. I know what it's like to be saved, what it is like to resist the enemy. I have done it, and it is possible.

I've watched the enemy crumple to dust with their own lies embedded like bullets inside their chests. And I have watched their strongholds go up in flames from one word I spoke that came from the King.

It has never been a question that the enemy can be defeated, the question is how long will we let them think they can't? What price are we willing to pay, to follow the battle plan? Why do we always think we can defeat them with ardor and passion, and forget the wisdom and discipline of our leaders?

I was with the King today, and his heart was breaking for those who are lost. I asked him why he lets them fight, if he knows they will only surrender to the enemy.

He looked at me, with those eyes that burn away all fear and said through tears," Because I know I will get them back."

"But they are hurting," I whispered in anguish.

"I have to give them the choice," he said," if I didn't they could never love me."

I knew it was true. I had made that choice once, more than once, many times over. I knew what it was like to be loved even in darkness by this king. I knew what it was like to discover what I was made for. To love this king...and him alone, forever.

I tried to love other things. Sometimes I thought I'd reached it, that pinnacle of fulfilled desire and longing...always I had crashed and burned, except in loving him. Love with him, only ever ended without an ending....it was eternal.

Fighting for him now was loving him. Loving these people, who turned their backs every day on him was not easy, but because I loved them, and I loved what he loved, my heart broke for their brokenness.

When I trudged with the faithful through the valleys, on hot days, when water was scarce and words were few, I remembered he loved me.

When I cleaned my weapons and blistered my feet from shoes too big for me to wear, I remembered he loved me.

When I endured sleepless nights of watchful anxiety over the enemy's near presence, I remembered he loved me.

When I held a dying child in my bruised arms, I remembered he loved me.

When I forgot, and people disappeared, I remembered he loved me.

When I stumbled myself into the enemy's camp and was often captured, I remembered he loved me.

He would always rescue. He would always forgive. He would never give up.

So when the enemy came, with their beautiful song, their enticing eyes, with their graceful movement and their unrelenting pleasure, I remembered only one thing...He would love me forever.

The battles would one day end. Death would end. The lies would end. Blood would no longer flow, but until then, we were commanded to resist, to arm ourselves, to fight with the weapons of the king.

Whether I ran to the front lines, or watched others go themselves, I was to always remember one thing...he loved me.

He loved them all.

The enemy could never love...and that was why they were already defeated. That was why they tried every thing they could to grab us with false love. It was all they had to offer.

It would never endure.

These people, these soldiers, these children, these chosen ones...they would fall, they would rise, they would fall again, but it was already written....they had been born for life, and nothing can keep back the love of a king.

And I remembered...he loved me. That was why I had been born. That was why we all lived and why we would never taste death. Ever.