...I seek the One my soul loves.

I've always loved the Song of Songs, but this week I began reading differently and with more purpose than I ever had before. I sought to see it directly as God speaking to me, and me to Him. Before I saw it only as the bride of Christ speaking to Jesus, the groom, but I have now put myself in that place as the "bride"...the shepherd girl...
...words cannot describe where God is taking me now. I've been reading chapters 1-3 at the moment, over and over again.

Me to God: Your oils are a pleasing fragrance, Your name is like purified oil; therefore draw me after you and let us run together!

God to me: How beautiful you are my darling. how beautiful your are! Your eyes are like doves.

Me to God: Like an apple among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I take great delight and sit down....and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

God to Me: O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your form is lovely.

Me to God: On my bed night after night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him but did not find him. I must arise now and god about the city; in the streets and in the squares I must seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him but did not find him.

...why? I love this ending verse."I sought him but did not find him." Why does God hide himself? He hides himself so that I will seek him, because if he was always present, always giving attention to my need I would take his love for granted. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
He draws away, so I will draw towards him, which is the greatest of delights, both in my "seeking" and in his "being sought after." I want this go down into my deepest pores, into my gut, until I weep with undying devotion and desperation for his presence.

"....when I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go."

Freedom!!!!

Two things God has me focused on: Joan or Arc & Nehemiah

I love of Joan of Arc, she inspires me. What would this modern world do if someone of her character and vision appeared demanding justice? She was only a peasant, unlearned, and even timid, how did she become general? I know the story, but still it's a bit mystifying.

We could use some more Joan of Arcs.

What is it like to rarely question whether or not God is speaking to you? Joan didn't, she always knew beforehand what would happen, trusted completely in God, and walked calmly through the troubles around...even to her death. Talk about having faith in God's will!
This has me searching my own heart right now, wishing I had such bold courage, and causing great turmoil in my sleep. Literally for two nights after I watched some clips from the 1999 Joan of Arc film, I could not sleep. Something deep was stirred in my spirit. It weirded me out at first. I was both miserable and happy all at once.

We need some more Joan of Arcs.

I believe God is stirring it up, as we enter into these days of spiritual upheaval and battle. He wants Joan of Arcs, young people, to step out and be generals. Someone has got to do, 'cause without it our world hurtling at a rapid pace toward complete destruction.

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Along with all this, I have also been reading feverishly through the book of Nehemiah. I'm finding how very important it is to confess the sins of our fathers, and to be prepared for battle, even as we build. I will perhaps go deeper into this, because I know I will be stuck in this book for a while, but for now I just wanted to post the scriptures that are jumping out on the page at me. In fact I've written them out and stapled them to the walls of my bedroom.

"Let Your ear now, be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer of Your servant, which I am praying for You now, day and night on behalf of the sons of Israel, Your servants, confessing the sing of the sons of Israel which we have sinned against You; I and my father's house have sinned.
"We have acted very corruptly against You and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses.
Remember the world which You commanded Your servant Moses saying," If you are unfaithful I will scatter you among the peoples but if you return to Me and keep My commandments and do them though those of you who have been scattered were in the most remote part of the heavens, I will gather them from there and will bring them to the place where I have chosen to cause My name to dwell.
They are Your servants and Your people whom You redeemed by Your great power and by Your strong hand. O Lord, I beseech You, may Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and the prayers of Your servants who delight to revere Your name..."
Nehemiah 1:6-11

And I found this second verse very interesting:

"From that day on, half of my servants carried on the work while half of them held spears, the shields, the bows and the breastplates; and the captains were behind the whole house of Judah. Those who were rebuilding the wall and those who carried burdens took their load with one hand doing the work and the other holding a weapon."
Nehemiah 4:16-17